I thought my last clerkship as a third year medical student deserved something more memorable than the typical medical haiku I write. In its stead I submit to you a David Letterman style Top Ten, drawn 100% from actual events.
So, without further ado:
The Top Ten Signs You are a Medical Student Practicing Pediatrics in the Hood
10. You can never assume the familial relationship of anyone present in the room, but are still met with bewilderment when you ask.
9. The 13-year-old whose hand you’re suturing is not complaining about pain because he knows what it feels like to be shot in the leg.
8. When taking a prenatal history, it’s not uncommon to obtain double-digit Gs & Ps.
7. Your white attending spends his down-time explaining the lyrics of Soulja Boy’s 2007 single “Crank That” – when nobody asked him to.
6. Your patient’s parents are wearing oversized sunglasses indoors and texting throughout the entire visit.
5. Your white attending is comfortable referring to children as “ashy” in front of their parents.
4. You frequently encounter children whose names are simply their father’s name spelled backwards (James –> Semaj). (Hey, it’s a good way to keep track of ‘em.)
3. While examining a newborn at their first well-baby visit, you see a roach crawl out of the car seat.
2. You can keep a straight face as your patient’s mother tells you their baby daddy is, in fact, R&B artist Trey Songz.
1. On hot days, the streets are filled with tumbleweaves. TumbleWEAVES. (Sorry, I was channeling Letterman.)